Seizing my motivation when I can!

With great excitement I weighed myself this morning. I am going away for a girlie weekend with much drinking and eating of convenience food planned, with the world's least exercise-friendly people so I am anticipating a possible gain but definitely not really a loss this weekend. I will also be away on Sunday for my weigh-in so I will attempt to do it on Monday morning. I wanted to know my final weight which I am counting for last week as it was affected by hormones which I think have finally dissipated. Guess what? 1 lb down.

It actually read 12 stone 7 lbs and 2 ounces, when I first weighed myself, as I took all my clothes off. My underwear put 4 ounces back on, crazy! So, another pound off. I must admit that I am secretly hoping that on Monday I will somehow,  by some miracle be down to 12 stone 6. I'm not sure how that would happen (I keep thinking about little things that might help - I'm getting the train, so dragging my suitcase over the platforms during changes.... maybe suggesting a walk...) but if it were ever possible to play my weight-loss version of the 'Get out of jail free' card, then I feel like this week would be it. If I could be 12 stone 6 for the beginning of next week, say I lose 2 lbs next week then I will start off my half term week-of-exercise with only 4 lbs left to lose before the second week of June and two whole weeks in which to lose it. Yeeeahh, that would be the dream but I know better than that, really, all I need is PCOS to rear its ugly head or this weekend to trigger off bad binges... but we'll see. In all the excitement, I did 12 stone 7 photos:

The backs of my legs aren't actually that red.. I'm not sure what happened there, but I'm still loving my arse in all its cottage cheese glory. It's so beautiful... I'm so happy to finally enjoy a part of my body. I'm wearing my new size 14 jeans today and smiling :-)

A positive uplift of the posterior

I weighed myself this morning and, yep, back to 12 stone 8. Phew. Although I am upset that it has taken so very, very long to lose my hormonal weight. It coincides nicely with my going away for the weekend where undoubtedly I will eat crap and do no exercise. I also had to cancel both of my classes at the gym this morning as I just did not have time. I did fulfill my eyebrow threading reward though, booya, I bet I've lost a pound right there!

As an interesting exercise, I went back to the start of the blog as I was wondering if I had lost even a stone yet (I haven't.) I put together two of the photos, one from the first photo blog entry at 13 stone 5 and one from the last lot of photos I uploaded, 11 lbs lighter. Yeesh, seeing it like that it does look like a great achivement. 11 lbs?? That's a lot, isn't it!? I'm sure I can see a difference. What do you all think?

My stomach seems a little flatter, my back fat sits a little better and there is more definition between my arse and my thighs.

I have a couple of other confessions too! This morning I was forced to go clothes shopping due to a lack of clothes that fit coinciding with some clothes shop sales as I have no money. I had to buy a pair of jeans and a new pair of work trousers. My current jeans are size 16 and my work trousers are size 18. I think I was having a particularly depressed day when I bought my work trousers and I think maybe they were a little big when i got them, but not that big. Now  they are definitely too big, and I can't spend my time working in a secondary school hoiking my trousers up every five minutes because they are falling off. The trousers I bought today? Jeans - size 14, work trousers - size 14. Yeaaaaah, baby! The jeans are just fine but admittedly the work trousers forced me into a bit of a muffin top. They feel comfortable though and I bought them anyway - I only have one more week at work before the week's school holiday, so I will work on working out over the next two weeks and I will go back to work after the holiday in my size 14 trousers. I. Can. Hardly. Wait!!!
I'm also feeling better about my body in general. More confident, even. I think the exercise is certainly helping me tone up and I can see parts of my body that I finally like. Whilst trying on my new jeans this morning I spent actually ages just staring at my arse. It's nice, isn't it? Shapely and getting toned. I think you can see the definition a little bit in the newest photo above on the left. I'm quite proud of my arse. And my stomach definitely sticks out a bit less. I think my breasts have got a bit smaller and with it firmer, which is fabulous news. One of my biggest issues is still my upper arm flab, and I think it has got fractionally more toned but clearly it is somewhere I need to work more on. Hmm, I might have to investigate more upper arm muscle exercises....

All in all, I'm feeling so positive at the moment. The last week of May is my school's holiday so I intend to go to the gym every.single.damn.day if it is even a little bit possible as I would LOVE to somehow make it into the 11's before June, or at the beginning of June. That is 8 mere pounds away, if I could get 1 lbs off by Sunday (well, monday as I will be away for the Sunday weigh-in) and lose 2 lbs next week, that gives me just 5 lbs to lose in the following two weeks.... Eek!

Week 14

Gracious, this weight loss thing is a never ending rollercoaster, isn't it? Today, I am up 2 lbs. I am not counting it however. (Cos this is my blog and I can do whatever I like!!!) I have got my period at the moment, and while I am eternally grateful to have it, PCOS troubles yadda yadda yadda, it does inflate my weight. And when my weight is inflated my motivation is deflated proportionally. I am going to wait until my period finishes, then re-weigh myself. This is especially important as I am going away next weekend so I won't be able to weigh myself properly then either. I'm thinking maybe Tuesday or Wednesday morning before work? I will try to add photos into this post later though. I have noticed that in addition to my tummy lumps that my stomach is... changing shape. I'm not sure how to phrase it but it looks almost lumpier but in a different way. Hopefully this is related to weight loss and nothing nefarious, I will keep an eye on it.
Officially then, my weight is staying the same as I can't bear to have my second week at the gym end with a re-gain and I don't want to resent the period that I have spent so long obsessing and worrying over. If having normal hormones and a regular cycle means I have to wait a few days for my 'proper' weigh-in then so be it.

Tummy bumps

I've been trying desperately to spot any changes in my body given the 40+ pounds I have now lost. I can see definite changes in my thighs, and also feel them. I can remember lying in bed last summer, lying on my side lifting my leg into the air and realising that I couldn't lift it up all the way because the fat on my 'hock' wouldn't bend. I remember massaging that fat, trying to make it disappear but just feeling that tight sensation under my skin where the fat was preventing my muscle from moving up with my leg. A good feeling for a 23 year old. Right now as I am writing this I can definitely lift my leg up without having side-leg-fat-bend issues. In fact, I have embraced swimming at the gym as I can feel my side-leg-fat flapping in the water as I swim and it feels like I'm swimming my fat off. Shut up, it's motivational for me.
I was at the gym yesterday and I did a 10 minute speed abs class. It was difficult. I woke up this morning and my tummy muscles did not want to co-operate to get me out of bed. I rubbed my stomach and felt two hard knots. I was mildly concerned about this, in case you can get stomach tumours or maybe because I had broken a bone or something. They hurt when I poked them and the muscles didn't feel any better. After a little prodding and exploration I discovered what they were; my ribs. Yes, that's right, I have now lost sufficient layers of fat that my ribs have come to the surface. And the muscles that cover them are aching. Don't get me wrong -there is still fat over my ribs, just less fat than before. One day my ribs may come back!  I have been noticing other tummy changes though, I think it might have been getting thinner anyway. Not noticeable to any one else but me. I'm sort of looking forward to the photos on Sunday to see if there is any noticeable difference!

I am mildly concerned about Sunday's weigh in as I have got my period at the moment. You may recall last month's period drama. This month, I am pleased to report, I am less suicidal, more motivated and less bingey. Considerably less bingey. I am hoping to lose 3 lbs again this week, but I know my weight will be artificially inflated by my period. I don't know if it will finish by Sunday and if it does whether the whoosh will come in time or not. I have weighed myself a couple of times this week and there is no noticeable changes apart from the fact that I am definitely 100% in the 12 stones now. If all goes horribly wrong, I may re-weigh on Monday morning. I hope my tummy bumps are feeling better by then!

Photos

I didn't manage to take photos until last night, so I'm going to imagine these do not reflect the full 12 stone 8 glory! Still, it's better than nothing! I decided, also, as one of the first major changes in my body I have noticed (after losing my 'second stomach' which happened before I started this blog!) to take photos of my legs. A lot of the 'extra' workouts I am doing at the moment focus on my legs - running, weighted walking, squats. It would be nice to notice any extra changes there! I am not sure how often I will remember to take photos of my legs, but it will show a nice progression, hopefully.

I caved and had McDonalds for lunch today. I did it 'publicly' (not eating it secretly, after telling the world I had gone shopping or something). I've been so healthy and eaten an awful lot of fruit and I figure that one one-off isn't the be-all and end-all. I went for a looong weighted walk this morning in the glorious sunshine and this evening I'll go for a run. I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning and hopefully swimming in the evening too - I hope to work it all off!

So, progress photos from 12 stone 8:

And the leg shots:

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this week... 3 lbs is such a great start!

Week 13

I went to the gym on Friday to try out aqua aerobics and do some swimming. Yesterday I did some good walking and some squats (I'm starting the 30 day squat challenge - more on that at the end!) and was really careful about what I ate. I caved and weighed myself yesterday, and I saw a certain number. I was inspired for today's weigh in. I had to weigh in super early this morning as I had to get to a 9 am yoga class at the gym and it is a good half hour drive, not including changing etc..
The gym is paying off. Last week I weighed 12 stone 11, the same as the week before. This week? 12 stone 8, and it flickered on 12 stone 7 before it settled down. That is a loss of 3 pounds. Three pounds!!! I've passed my 12 stone 10 goal (although, frustratingly, I have a welt on my eyebrow at the moment so I can't get them threaded in spite of all my hard work!) and I am nearly a stone down overall. A stone!!
I haven't had a chance to take photos yet but I will put them up later.
I am going to go to the gym and go swimming tomorrow as it is the bank holiday. On Tuesday I start work a bit later as I have a course, so I'm going to spend an hour at the gym beforehand. On Wednesday I intend to gym+swim like I did last week and Thursday, Friday and Sunday I have already booked classes at the gym - pilates, yoga, aqua aerobics again and I think something else I've forgotten. The excitement is growing. Can I make another 3 lbs loss next week?!
I've started the 30 day squat challenge, and I did day 1 yesterday. Day 2 again today! I'm doing squats with weights and stretching up after the squat (I'm sure there's a proper name for it, but I did it with the personal trainer at the gym and I was too busy trying not to actually pass out and throw up that I either didn't listen or didn't remember it). It was pretty tough going with 50 to start with, I'm not looking forward to some of the massive jumps. This is the one I'm following, I've added the crunches in too and I'm going to throw in the plank challenge as well:

(copyright to the tumblr poster I got this from - the name is above in the image)

I am determined to shift this freakinig plateau and make it at least into the 11 stones, if not well into the 11 stones before my birthday. I am DETERMINED! I will come back later to post photos, and all being well next week I will have hit a stone down and I will post progress pics again. Woo hoo!

I think my arse muscles are broken...

Well, the muscles between my arse and my thighs, anyway. The gym is evidently paying off in some way! I went swimming on Wednesday on my way home from work, just so I could definitely get in some use of the gym.
Yesterday, I had my introductory (free) session with a personal trainer. Oh. My. Good. God. I have now discovered that only amateur sadists take up personal training as a career (well, maybe not all!) and that they really like to work you hard! I booked the appointment over the weekend and it started with lots of back and forth phone calls. I was a little concerned, it must be said. It says in the little book the gym gave me that you shouldn't work out on an empty stomach, and I had stupidly booked the class for 1 pm and it takes around half an hour to get there. So, I followed my usual Thursday morning routine and I got my super salad and potato shapes for lunch. I was starting to run out of time, so I started eating the potato shapes in the car park and found that I wasn't that hungry, I was in danger of being late so as I wasn't hungry I left half the potatoes and the salad to eat when I got out of the gym. This may have been a mistake, or it may have been fate.
I got ready, met up with the pt and we chatted about what my goals were, what I had done up until now etc... Then he took me out to train. This is where everything changes. We started doing lunges, squats and various things like planks and leg raises,then he threw in doing those things with weights and weighted bags. I drank a fair amount of water, but I had this horrible almost dizzy feeling like I couldn't carry on. I felt drained in my head, and almost sick but not sick enough to tell the pt about. I felt like my stomach was going nuts and I couldn't carry on. I did carry on although I did ask to rest a few times and I sat on the floor drinking water, feeling so very shaky and unwell. We switched to cardio and the rowing machine and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom and sit on the toilet recuperating for a few minutes. I just kept thinking to myself that years of bingeing on potatoes, crisps, popcorn and other shit was what had done this to me and I was horrified that at only 24 years of age I was in such bad shape that I thought I was going to die at my personal training session. Not cool. Not cool at all. I went back out from the loo with a rejuvenated attitude and I worked my arse off on the rowing machine to show that I wasn't a wuss for 20 minutes.

This leads me to today. I didn't eat the rest of those potato shapes, just the salad and I went for two walks before going to bed at 8 pm as I was exhausted. I woke up this morning feeling like death had clobbered me repeatedly with a mallet and all day sitting down and doing anything requiring movement has been agony! My poor muscles!

That horrible sicky, passing out feeling has stuck with me though and I am determined that May is going to be my month. Sore arse muscles and all. I am going to remember that feeling so when I am tempted to binge or even make unhealthy choices I will avoid them. I went back to the gym this morning for aqua aerobics and did some swimming/sauna time too so I am keeping up with the exercise. I might have an afternoon nap and then go for a walk/run later. I am determined that this week there will be a downward swing on the scales. Determined. I have worked so hard that I will be genuinely devastated if there is no movement. I did weigh myself this morning (glutton for punishment!) and the number was the same as last Sunday. Hmph. Still, I think it takes my body a little time to process these things so hopefully magical Sunday will be on my side!!!

My stomach is  a bit upset the last few days, which is not ideal as lowering myself to the toilet and back is incredibly painful, but I hope this is a good thing - that my body is recognising the changes, and not just me getting ill right before the bank holiday weekend.

Here is to a super May!!!