Week 12

Sorry I am a bit late with this post, just been a busy day! After everything and attending the gym by osmosis this week I can report that I have stayed the same. On the plus side this means that my scales were still working even though they had run out of batteries last week, although on the down side I have not lost any more weight. I am still 12 stone 11.

Obligatory side views below. I think I am definitely starting to notice a difference. I can see it mainly in my legs (which are not in the photos below, obviously, haha) but I assume then that there must be a difference elsewhere and it is just more difficult to see when you are looking at you! The stretch marks and cellulite kill me though. When I have lost the weight the first thing I do (even before laser hair removal surgery on my side burns, thanks PCOS!) is to sort that out. There is no point having a killer body and not wanting to look at it;

 Maybe next time I'll post leg photos so you can see those too. I think that because most of my exercise is leg based that the muscles there have developed more than elsewhere (which makes sense).

I have been looking back through and I can see that I have lost 8 pounds since I started 12 weeks ago, and I have officially been in the 12 stones for 6 weeks. Yeesh. That looks both good and bad. It has been very s l o o w going but at least it has been happening. The odd pound I could call off as water weight but more than half a stone and over three months is positive, definite weight loss, am I right? Looking back at the photos I think I can see a minor difference in my back fat and possibly a slight decrease in the top incline of my stomach. Dear God in Heaven I can't wait until I am never able to speak of stomach in terms of inclines ever again. At the same time, at the rate of losing 2 pounds a week I could have lost 24 pounds by now - doesn't look so good any more does it... That I could be 16 pounds lighter if I were a normal non-PCOSer is beyond demotivating. 24 pounds is nearly 2 stone, for crying out loud! What with the gym to kick start me and the brighter weather meaning I can get out and about more it will happen. Six weeks until my birthday - I could lose another 12 pounds by then!!!! 11 stone 13 would be divine.

I do have a plan for this week! I am bound and determined that 12 stone 10 is in my grasp. The official three stone down goal point and I am so desperate to get my eyebrows done - it is like looking through a curtain! I have an added pressure now that in a few weeks I am going to see some old friends and I want to knock their socks off. I'm not sure they'll notice but I'll feel better just knowing. I've joined the gym now and I'm going to chase up my free personal trainer appointment tomorrow. Hopefully we can schedule that for Thursday. On Wednesday I am going to go swimming for an hour and maybe to a class if I can book one or I'll do an hour on something in the gym. Friday I will do whatever workout the personal trainer gives me and an hour in the pool and probably the same on Saturday. In the evenings I will go for my usual walk or run and I also have zumba on Monday night. Sounds good, right? Keep all your fingers crossed for me.

The Gym

I have taken the plunge and signed up to six months at the gym. The gym is on my way to work so I have grand plans of calling in on the way to or from work- we'll see! Yesterday, I signed up. Today, I visited to pick up my membership card and get information. Tomorrow, I intend to actually do some exercise there. On Thursday I should have a session with a personal trainer which I am quite looking forward to actually. I think that should give me the information I need on how to actually use the gym and if I find it helpful I will scrimp up the money to have another session.

I'm hoping this will work to keep my weight going down. I have the sneaking suspicion that my weight has either stalled or gone up this week, I don't think I have successfully kept my stomach bug weight loss off, which is a big shame but hopefully not a demotivator. Binges have mostly been controlled this  week. Mostly.

Week 11

I think my scales are broken. Partially because of the result I got, but mostly because at various points when I stepped on them they cut out completely. BUT. Despite the fact that I think they are broken or, more likely, have run out of batteries, it did give me the exact same result every time I tried to get them to work. So, I am going to give the scales the benefit of the doubt and go with their result because there HAS to be a benefit to losing almost my whole weekend to the stomach bug of doom. Todays result? 12 stone 11 pounds 2 ounces. 12.11.2. This is good! Although it does also mean that in five long, long, loooong weeks I have only lose 1 lb. I maintained, maintained, put on then dropped. And in those looooong weeks the only thing I have to show is a 1 lb loss. All the same, I will take these little victories where I can get them. My stomach bug has inspired me (!) to keep at the weight loss and I want to be 12 stone 10 by my week 12 weigh in. Yes, I do. I will be. It will have been a long time coming, but I want to have made it down to that official three stone down. Very hard to imagine!

Without much further ado, this weeks pictures are below. I apologise in advance for the hideous underwear, please consider this my "I've just recovered from a stomach bug and forgot that I was taking photos to commemorate my weight loss today" underwear:

What do you think, any noticeable difference?

Goodness me

Well! Long time no post! Last Sunday there was no weigh-in as I checked the scales and was too depressed to post the result. I'm sorry. I feel like I should keep honest with myself but I'm not prepared to do that at the expense of my motivation, so therefore no post.
I am in the midst of recovering from a horrific stomach bug. I started to wonder if I genuinely had some kind of eating disorder when I woke up, threw up extensively and my first thought was that I should have done more exercise the day before as I wasn't going to get any done that day. My second thought was that at least I should have lost weight with all the throwing up. Hmm. I'm not too sure what to make of this, but as the only thing I have eaten in 36 hours are high-fibre crackers, plain crisps, water and 'vitamin water' I'm sure this must have a positive effect on my weight loss. I am also choosing to view this as the silver lining to having a stomach bug - I may have had to suffer through being ill (on my day off and everything!) but there should be a positive for my pain. I also admit that I weighed myself after I was sick. Yes, that's right. And I was back down to my pre-binge weight. Oh yes. Again, I am just choosing to believe that I am someone very much entrenched in the weight loss wars and not crazy. I repeat this often to myself.....
So today is Saturday and as far as I could tell I was back down to 12.12 stone yesterday after the most horrific stomach virus ever. I'll weigh in tomorrow come hell or high water, and hopefully everything will be ok.
I'm definitely feeling like I'm back on track now and I'm even thinking of joining a gym! You heard me - joining the gym!!! I've found one that isn't too expensive so I am giving it some serious consideration. I. Will. Lose. This. Weight. If. It. Kills. Me!

Friday

This part of the week seems to be going better. I wouldn't say I was on my usual healthy lifestyle properly but it is a million times better than this time last week. I'm feeling somewhat less apprehensive about weigh-in Magic Sunday than I was last week. Well, to a certain extent - usually this is when I've put on a million stone instead of losing!
I couldn't bring myself to go out for a run until last night. I woke up to my period yesterday morning, which was late. I'm assuming this was to blame for my lethargy the previous nights and so I dragged my sorry self out last night.  I had to cut my run short as the heavens opened but I still went out there and did it. I also went for a couple of walks yesterday and I have been on one long walk today already. I'll go for a run tonight if it isn't tipping it down and hopefully I'll be back on track again. I'm starting to wonder if hormone imbalance wasn't to blame for the horrendousness of the last couple of weeks? I'm dimly recalling having a similar issue before my last period. I can't do this 2 weeks out of every month though, I just can't. It's not possible. When I have lost the last pounds and I am down to my goal weight then I will stop worrying about it as it is just my body's way, but not now. If I spend 26+ weeks of the year eating shitloads and not exercising and beating myself up about it, I'll never lose weight and certainly never keep it off!

So, my goal at the moment is to get back into exercising and back into the healthy eating habits I had worked so hard to build up. I have also.... so exciting.... can't believe I am excited about this at my age....I've bought...a......hand blender! Woah yeah. Rock and roll, baby! I'm going to use it for smoothies and to make hummus and maybe soups as we get into summer (sorry, if we get into summer). I think red pepper hummus (I'm stealing Slimming World's Red Pepper Hummus recipe!) will form the basis of my lunches back at work next week. I've also found some dairy-free interestingly healthy ideas, like red lentil dahl and spicy sweet potato samosas that I'd like to try. I'll update when I get a chance to try these things if they are any good!

Right, back to trying to avoid eating everything in the house.....

Where I should be right now.

As I write this I am skiving running. I should be out running right now, or even walking. But I'm not. Not today.
I didn't go to Zumba yesterday either. I have also eaten ridiculous amounts of cookies, cupcakes and chips due to the aforementioned company. I'm hoping, that somehow it is all going to be ok but I'm not so sure. Realistically this week can't be as bad as last week but this is not in the spirit of my previous 'back on the wagon' post, is it?!! I have managed to not to binge in the last two days. I managed this by overeating at meals, you see, but I do not count that as the same thing. It is considerably easier to cut back on portions, or to just eat everything in public so you control portions by peer pressure than it is to get out of the secret bingeing habits. Thus we have progress!
I'm not sure why I'm not running. I feel bloated from the excesses of the last few days. I am feeling frustrated with my lack of weight loss and several other aspects of my life. It's cold and grey and I think it might rain soon. None of these are good excuses, though, are they? Tomorrow I will run and do a weighted walk and possibly another walk on top of that if I can manage it. I will do weights and some other exercises tonight in the hopes of salvaging something. I'm tired and feeling demotivated. I need to lose something this week or I'm not sure how to handle the next week any more. At least I will be back in a routine next week which helps me ENORMOUSLY with everything.
I need to find some better inspiration. Either inspirational quotes or pictures or songs or something! Any suggestions?!

Week 9 - Back on the wagon

This. Last. Week. Has. Been. Horrendous.
Literally, horrendous.
It started out a week last Friday with Mcdonalds and a massive Indian. Since then, to the best of my recollection, I have been to McDonalds multiple times, sometimes in the same day, I have been to Dominos, eaten pre-packaged supermarket food when I have all the ingredients to make a healthier version at home, I have eaten full packets of popcorn, fudge, crisps, rocky road squares, cupcakes, pain au chocolat etc.... This just has been a terrible week of bingeing, eating badly and screwing myself over. I haven't done as much exercise as I usually have, never mind how much I had hoped to do.
I was a pound up last weigh-in day, so I was 12 stone 13. This week was just terrible. Just, honestly, terrible. I weighed myself a few times this week in order to see the damage. It wasn't good. In fact, it was awful. I decided not to be too hard on myself as only weigh-in Sunday counts and I would just have to repair it from then on.
I am now officially back on the wagon. As of now. Already today I have eaten crisps and binged on cupcakes. But I have company coming for the next couple of days so non-public bingeing will be out of the question. We're going out for a healthy dinner tonight and I sincerely hope that the next few days will be healthy-ish too. Argh, I need to get back on the wagon desperately. The countdown to my birthday is on and I need to have lost weight by then. Need to.
So, the damage? Today's official weight - 13 stone even. In this whole horrible week I only put on one pound. So, I am two pounds up in two weeks. This. Will. Never. Happen. Again.

Argh

Well, it all went a bit downhill since Saturday. I, basically, went completely insane and ate everything in sight. Awesome progress.
I have just come back from McDonalds (!) and I am resolving to do better from now on. I'll give my body a couple of days to get rid of the cheese, salt and general overeating bloat and then I will start to focus on shifting the weight that I have inevitably put back on.
I didn't make it swimming, and I think that I might be permanently chickening out of that one until I have lost a couple more stone at least and  I would feel better about, undoubtedly, running into everyone I have ever met whilst in a swimsuit.
I have been running 3.2 miles and doing at least one additional hour of exercise per day, however. I am hoping that this in some way will help dial down the backlash of the last few days.
Ugh.
I feel like crap, my stomach is not happy, and I can feel my body wishing that I hadn't started doing this. I have woken up every morning since Saturday feeling full, which has not happened to me since I was able to cut back on bingeing and eat healthily - y'know, back when I was trying to lose weight and not eat myself into an early grave.
My desire to exercise hasn't gone away though, which is a good thing, right? I've been getting lots of fresh air and trying to get more sleep when my poor stomach will let me. I've been reminded of what it was like before and I wish I could say that I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back to feeling bad both physically and mentally, sneaking food, deliberately ignoring my body's natural cues until even it can't keep it straight any more and being fat, fat, fat. I can't say that eating all that food and just giving in to each and every temptation wasn't totally delicious though, and it completely fed into the dark, bingeing side of my personality that had been keeping quiet recently. All the urges to eat more, the cravings for random junk and the inability to cook the healthy dinner from the ingredients right in front of me instead of going out to eat far too much shit came back. In full force. And they had missed me. And, truthfully, I had missed them. There is something about snuggling up on the sofa to watch trashy TV and eating your way through two bags of popcorn, a whole multipack of crisps and then ordering dominos and eating the whole pizza, wedges and dips that I just love. And I miss it. It sounds so stupid but it is comforting and familiar.
Ugh.
I'm not sure whether to weigh in this weekend or not. Seeing the 13 back on the scales on official weighing day would kill me and kill my motivation. But. I do need to know. I've (obviously) given up on losing 6 lbs by next week. Just making it through to next week as unscathed as possible is my only current goal.
Healthy dinner tonight. Go for a run, do your work out DVD and get those weights going for a beautiful sculpted body. Tomorrow is another day and you can do this.
All comments welcome, always.